Are You Their Mother? The Truth About Your Role in a Closet Narcissist’s Life

A closet narcissist, also known as a covert narcissist, is a subtype of Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD) characterised by a more subtle and hidden expression of narcissistic traits. These individuals may appear humble, introverted, or self-effacing, masking their grandiosity, entitlement, and lack of empathy. Often, they seek to establish relationships where they can control and manipulate their partners, using them as emotional caretakers or surrogate “mothers.”

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Closet narcissists have a fragile sense of self, often rooted in childhood experiences of trauma, neglect, or abandonment. Seeking partners who can assume a “mother” role is a manifestation of the covert narcissist’s unmet emotional needs from their early years. This dynamic is rooted in their attempts to create a sense of safety, stability, and validation that they lacked in their formative years.

Here are some ways in which the childhood trauma of closet narcissists relates to their desire for a partner who can fulfil the “mother” role:

Attachment and safety: Children who experience trauma or emotional neglect may develop insecure attachment styles, leading to difficulties forming healthy, stable adult relationships. Covert narcissists, as a result of their childhood experiences, may seek…