Don’t Argue with A Covert Narcissist: Do this instead!

Sherile Turner-Myles
7 min readAug 28

Spotting a Covert Narcissist can be like trying to nail jelly to a wall. These are the individuals who will twist your perception, ration affection for maximum impact, and consistently draw the Victim card from their stacked deck. They are emotional magicians: one moment, they’re showering love, and the next, it vanishes in thin air. Their superpower is goading and arguing, anything to keep the attention and supply coming.

Photo by Timothy Dykes on Unsplash

If you’ve read my previous post on DARVO, you’ll recall this is the Covert Narcissist’s favourite trick — their go-to move for dodging responsibility and rewriting the narrative with them as the ‘wronged’ party.

Now, I’m turning the tables and shining a light on an essential tool for your emotional toolkit: JADE.

More than just a lucky gemstone, this fabulous tool is absolutely priceless when responding to your manipulative Covert Narcissist. This strategy is your North Star when it crafting effective responses to the Covert Narcissist’s behaviours.

While DARVO is the covert narcissist’s signature move to reverse blame and wriggle out of responsibility, JADE outlines our typical, often counterproductive, reactions when trying to rationalise with or confront your covert partner.

So, while DARVO helps unmask the covert tactics of a narcissist, knowing JADE ensures you don’t inadvertently play into their hands, thus avoiding potential emotional pitfalls.

Recognising these patterns is invaluable. Forewarned is forearmed, as they say. By sidestepping JADE’s pitfalls and seeing through DARVO’s smokescreen, you will better navigate interactions with your covert narcissist, reducing the emotional toll on you. And always remember: it’s not you, it’s decidedly, definitely them.

Let’s get some clarity on the difference between the two.


Coined by Dr. Jennifer Freyd, this acronym stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender. DARVO is a defensive technique often employed by perpetrators in…

Sherile Turner-Myles

I write about Covert Narcissism and other Personality Disorders, and how they impact relationships.