How Far Will, Your Covert Narcissist Ex, Go To Keep Control Of You?

Sherile Turner-Myles
7 min readMar 11

Struggling to move on from your covert narcissistic ex? Even though years have passed since your breakup, your ex might still be attempting to exert control over you, especially if you co-parent, share a friendship group, or happen to live in the same town.

Photo by Mika Baumeister on Unsplash

Covert narcissists will often go to great lengths to retain control over their victims. They may use manipulation, guilt-tripping, and emotional blackmail to keep the victim in a position of subservience. They may also use gaslighting tactics to make the victim doubt their own perceptions and reality.

In some cases, covert narcissists may resort to more extreme measures to retain control, such as threatening the victim with physical harm or spreading false rumours about them to others. They may also try to isolate the victim from their friends and family, making it more difficult for the victim to seek help or support.

It’s important to note that every situation is unique, and not all covert narcissists will resort to extreme measures to retain control. However, if you are in a situation where a covert narcissist is refusing to let you go and is using manipulative or abusive tactics to maintain control, it’s important to seek help and support from a qualified professional or a trusted friend or family member.

Here are 6 ways a covert narcissist may attempt to control you after a breakup:

  1. Using the children as pawns:

A covert narcissist may use the children to manipulate and control the ex-partner. For example, they may make false accusations about the ex’s parenting or try to limit the ex’s access to the children. This tactic can give the narcissist a sense of power and control over the ex and a way to punish them for leaving.

2. Playing the victim:

It is a common tactic covert narcissists use to manipulate their ex-partner into feeling guilty for ending the relationship. The narcissist will often paint themselves as the innocent party who has been wronged and unfairly abandoned. They may use phrases like, “How could you do this to me?” or “I never thought you would hurt me like this.” This strategy can be especially effective if the ex-partner is empathetic and compassionate, as…

Sherile Turner-Myles

I write about Covert Narcissism and other Personality Disorders, and how they impact relationships.