The Difference Between Fighting In A Healthy And Toxic Relationship

Photo By Everton Vila

If you are in a relationship with anyone, eventually you will have conflicts and you will fight. This is normal! Anger is one of our adaptive emotions that we feel. How is anger adaptive? It helps us to recognise injustices, threats, and harm in our environment. Anger is an emotional signal that we need to be on alert, protect, or defend ourselves because we are facing something that has the potential to hurt us. Even healthy people who love us hurt us sometimes. Human nature is flawed and we all make mistakes and say and do things that are hurtful to our loved ones.

Often after years of abuse, we tune down our anger because we learned that showing emotions or being angry is counterproductive. Survivors of abuse, people pleasers, and individuals with codependent traits often will do this. Sometimes society and gender norms teach us who, when, where, and why anger is appropriate and we feel guilty expressing our anger. Unfortunately, frequently women who express anger in a healthy way are called “bitches” but men who express anger in a healthy way are considered strong and competent leaders. How unfair! Feeling, expressing, and managing anger appropriately is extremely healthy and something everyone has the right to do!

If you are in a relationship, you will fight with your partner and you will feel angry…