The Narcissist’s Dream Come True: 7 Warning Signs of Coercive Control and Shared Fantasies.

Sherile Turner-Myles
8 min readFeb 6, 2023

Coercive control is a form of psychological abuse that can have devastating effects on its victims. It involves a behaviour pattern designed to manipulate, control, and exploit the victim. In some cases, the abuser may use shared fantasies as a tool of coercion, creating a fake life that the victim is expected to live. This can be a confusing and isolating experience, making it difficult for the victim to escape the relationship.

Photo by Anastase Maragos on Unsplash

Here are seven signs that you may be being manipulated into living a fake life through the use of coercive control.

  1. Isolation

One of the first signs of coercive control is the gradual isolation of the victim from their friends, family, and other sources of support. The abuser may discourage or outright prohibit their partner from spending time with anyone outside of the relationship. They may also monitor their partner’s communication, insisting on being present during phone calls or reading their text messages. The shared fantasy that the narcissistic partner creates is often a projection of their own idealized self-image rather than an accurate reflection of the reality of the relationship. In this shared fantasy, the partner is the idealized, perfect, and loving partner, while the victim is painted as the source of all problems. This can create a false reality that is difficult for the victim to escape, as they may feel like they are living out the partner’s idealized vision of the relationship. It’s important to recognize that these tactics are not just individual instances of bad behaviour but are part of a larger pattern of abuse. The victim may not realize that they are being controlled and manipulated and may feel like they are simply in a difficult relationship. Over time, the victim becomes increasingly isolated and dependent on the abuser for social connection, making it difficult for them to escape the relationship. However, recognizing the signs of isolation can help them take action to escape the cycle of abuse.

2. Intimidation and Threats

The use of intimidation and threats is a key aspect of coercive control and is used to maintain power and control over the victim. The abuser may use physical or verbal aggression to intimidate…

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Sherile Turner-Myles

I write about Covert Narcissism and other Personality Disorders, and how they impact relationships.