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Do’s & Don’t When Speaking With A Survivor pt 2
DON’T SAY……. “Forgiveness is the right thing to do; you would want someone to forgive you.”
Forgiveness is a process and a personal choice. To me forgiveness means recalling an event without a strong negative emotional response. Forgiveness does not mean taking the narcissist back and unfortunately, it often teaches the narcissist that they can get away with bad behaviour without any consequences….Try saying… “You can forgive them if you want when you are ready; the most important thing for you right now is to make choices that help your healing.”
DON’T SAY…. “ Maybe you should stay together for the kids…”
A survivor needs to make this choice and consider many variables. Keep in mind that a healthy home environment is very important for children to develop into healthy adults. Parents who constantly model bad behaviour like infidelity, fighting, lying, manipulating, tantruming, and name-calling probably will do harm to their children. A survivor for financial, religious, or cultural reasons may decide to stay with a narcissist for their children. That is always their choice…. Try to say… “Think about your values and make the best choice that you can for your kids, don’t be afraid to reach out to family and friends for help with the kids, we are here for you.”
